Long Weekend

Ola people!

I have had a rather dull week. I guess coming back to work to find things having ground to a near halt can be frustrating, but you never really feel ready for it, do you? I mean, you do know that things are going to be slow for a time, but then you start to worry when you find that you’ve replied to all the emails, made follow-up calls, scheduled viewings, rescheduled viewings, gone out on errands, gone into the field – all this yet the crickets are still louder than ever. Rather unsettling.

Then there’s the part where my weight is bugging the heck out of me. Worse still, I have only run twice this week and I can’t help but think I need to up the miles if I’m to find any peace about my tummy. It just sits there, round and bulging, pressing against my waistband and often forcing me to change my posture (read: slouch in my chair) and unzip my pants after a meal.

The yoga helps with my back and warming up before running, but I also look forward to running around a little more during the day and to working out for a little longer starting Sunday morning. So help me God!

I really want to have a memorable weekend these next few days, especially because Monday is a holiday. In an ideal setting that would mean skipping town for the night or hosting a sleepover yet here I am planning to spend the weekend running, cooking and watching Glee when I’m not watching Elementary.

I’m feeling all read out because I can’t seem to make any progress with Beneath the Lion’s Gaze (an incredible book, and that’s just 17 pages this week), but I will move at my mind’s pace. I have been reading a whole lot these past few months so maybe I need some more outdoor time. Or time to work on my drafts. Or both.

Whatever happens happens. Irrespective of the threat of rain, I am headed to the Michael Joseph Centre to watch performances prepared to honour Breast Cancer survivors.

Have you gone for screening? When was the last time you went for a breast exam? What of a pap smear. It’s important.

Cheers y’all!

TOUCH ME

s.ogugu:

I am yet to come across a work as noble and open and honest as this one is in the appreciation of the struggles women go through when an ailment causes them to lose a part of themselves.
Do take the time to share and reflect on the persona’s experience; she represents someone’s true story.

Originally posted on Outside my mind:

Touch me here, See me now,

I am still a woman, When you touch me here…

Some answers are more terrifying than questions,

I never asked but am now in receipt of an answer,

I wince when I raise my hands,

Like my grandmother before her and my mother before me,

I empty the bags of fluid when no one is home,

I wear loose clothes, careful not to tangle the tubes…

Touch me here, See me now,

I am still a woman, When you touch me here…

I wake in a night sweat, waiting on the hot flash to leave me,

In the dark, absent mindedly,

I touch them, where they used to be,

I do not remember the soft mounds of flesh that jiggled there,

But joyful pain of my daughter’s embrace,

On the day I came back home.

Touch me here, See me now,

I am still…

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They Say/ I am

s.ogugu:

A worthwhile way to spend your Friday evening, in my opinion.

Originally posted on Outside my mind:

They-Say-I-Am-Poster-Final-Revised

They Say/I Am is a play intertwined with monologues of poetry exploring the stereotypes of women with the intention of shattering them, revealing stereotypes as the fallacies they are. With the shorter version featured at Festival CulturElles at Alliance Francais on Women’s Day 2014, this full length exploration is bound to entertain. Conceived and directed by Mwende Ngao and written by Anne Moraa, the play toys with the perception of various women and hopes to encourage the audience to rethink how they view thewomen in their own lives.
The Cast and Crew of They Say/I Am

Mwende Ngao

Mwende Ngao is a filmmaker, blogger and poet. She is also the founder of Kike Tele. She believes in the power of art to spark conversations and create change.

Rein

Rein is a student and a videographer. She is also a poet and is the 45th slam poetry queen.

Brenda Wambui

Brenda…

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Home & Away: Reawakening

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So something happened today that made me think seriously about a few personal choices I have made in the past and present and how they have affected the way I think.

A couple of months ago – several months so far back that it was at the beginning of this year – I made some emotional decisions. In all honestly, I had decided in campus to start learning how to compartmentalize situations and not just a few months ago, but stay with me. I learned how to justify actions apart from their actors and participants. It was really a survival tactic at the time and it helped keep me alive – safe from premature blood pressure issues and panic attacks. I have suffered from the latter before and I cannot begin to describe what it’s like to need to breathe but be unable to suck in air (and thus perform the action that is breathing). Truth is, nobody likes to feel that they suck – or fall short. We all know that we are far less than perfect at many things, yet it doesn’t make the realization any easier to swallow. Lord help you if you are actually good at appearing to be good at things or knowledgeable and it comes to light that you are a mere mortal!

Long story short, I met someone from my old past who made me consider my new way of thinking a  whole lot. Look, I don’t like to be vulnerable or small or needy. Yet visiting a new continent where you hardly understand what is said around you and the weather is not as warm and the people look and behave differently from you, it all makes you desperate to be around that which is familiar irrespective of how much better the transport system and healthcare and living conditions are. I got homesick as soon as I landed in Europe. So I decided to have a good time and not overthink anything. The first past went pretty darn well. The second, not so much.

The thing about putting things away in boxes, at least in my personal experience, is that they can really screw you up in the head. I have the bad habit of being both forward and rather weird about saying what I want or need. And it’s funny and not funny at the same time. I have the capacity to completely shut things and people out and the capacity to accommodate people’s flaws. Well, I did.

My old associate opened my mind to the realization that I don’t really have life figured out; and that I have, for a long time, assumed that I did have it all figured out. And it’s not just about realizing that I don’t have a manual for men or the power to keep old insecurities at bay or picking up in a relationship from where I left off. It has a lot more to do with what I must think of myself when I behave the way I do. I have been (maybe) a little harsh with myself. I have also been brutal with people. And sometimes I have thought that these people were deserving of the fire I brought them under, but I’m starting to think that that also reflects on the dark spot in my soul which I have had not trouble co-existing with for a couple of years now. I cannot say it enough, but I really don’t like change because with the newness of things comes the need to need. The need to learn and grow and improve. And the improvement is awesome, but the need is another story. One of my best friends pointed out just last week that I have started t realize that I am not made of steel. It’s true. And my boxes need to come open. I need to become more human and make peace with some of my decisions. Introspective thinking is hard because it is painful, but good things come from such reflective thinking. I simply want to be free.

I probably don’t make much sense right now, but that’s okay. I need to know that I do not have it all figured out or planned out. I need to appreciate that I am missing something and that my lack makes me a flawed human being. I also need to start thinking that it’s okay to not be okay without obsessing on how messy I feel inside.

I am in repair. John Mayer gets it. So does Hazel Grace in The Fault in our Stars. Right now, I’m glad that someone out there gets it and that I can start being alright with myself; irrespective of my stupidity, treachery, conniving and cluelessness.

Eventually, I will be okay. And this time I refuse to rush the process.

Home & Away: The Summary

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Guess who’s back from her month long vacation in Europe!!!

So, while I was experiencing my first roller coaster ride, doener box treat and live opera performance, my blogging took a break. Well, somewhat. I wrote notes almost every day about my various tours so I will likely think up a proper post for them – or a series. Right now, I can’t get off Instagram because pictures do take you back especially now that the memories are only 3 days old.

Funny thing is that I can’t stop reading. And not just anything, but The Fault in our Stars. I finished reading it a few days prior to the end of my holiday. I’m almost halfway with it and it still feels so new. It had never occurred to me that I could fall in love (and grief) with a sixteen-year-old’s narration of her life.

If you’d like to get a few shots of what Europe was like for me, check them out on account (sharonogugu) on Instagram.

Since I almost lost this post TWICE, I will stop typing now and get to something else before I actually lose it.

So bye for now!

Wanderlust! And them Some Inspiration

Germany

I got the above image I got here from bloglovin’. It’s from Germany. Long story short, My application for a Schengen Visa to Austria and Germany was successful and I cannot wait for the 27th when I get to board a flight to Europe for the first time in my life (why does it feel like I have said that too many times on this blog?!).

First and foremost, I’ll share a little confession: I (can) have a temper. One of my colleagues has been away for two lovely weeks and came back with the same prickly attitude. I dealt with her on a bad day. And I snapped and asked her what she wanted. I left out the “HELL” I was dying to rain on her and walked of before the twitching in my arms translated into a moving fist. The rest of the afternoon was spent watching the afternoon fade into night, listening to Josh Groban and watching 39 minutes of Emeli Sade’s performance at the Royal Albert Hall. Then it was some mindless sketching on my notebook (last year’s birthday gift from Lisa), a call to my brother and an open conversation with a client who may be leaving the centre soon.

In retrospect, I have never dealt well with feelings with insecurity and/or inadequacy. Never. And my brain has the capacity to think and overthink and rethink things – and has a strange sticky liking for the negative. So I fumed and huffed and puffed and walked to the terminus and picked a bus home; then sent my brother a text explaining that I had zombie walked to my stop instead of going to my mother’s to spend the night chatting with him and keeping him company (mother dearest is in Rwanda on a class trip).

At home, I washed of, got into bed with a strong cup of brewed coffee and white bread smeared with thick layers of margarine (yes, it was that bad), watched a few episodes of Numb3rs to quiet the voices in my head and slept. I switched off my phone when I woke up, took a loooong bath, washed a few clothes, picked the dry ones from my line, aired my bed and folded by duvets, and left. I realized that I had left my phone in my bed when I couldn’t read my Joyce Meyer devotional and play 2048 as has been the routine since the boyfriend got me hooked; he shared his high scores with me before I could even get to 1,000 points!

Katy Peri had been yelling from my speakers while I took breakfast and showered but there was this loud reggae in the matatu so I listened. I got to the office, handled a few client concerns and replied to emails. Then I sent my archnemesis a couple; which she obviously has not responded to. And I’m certain that she left about 2 hours ago. Since I’m also certain that I am still ripely capable of smacking her, and not just in my head, I figured I can handle her after a restful weekend.

The following blog posts have made my afternoon pretty awesome, though. That and the chat I had with the boyfriend (who has been worried sick because I’ve been off air for almost 24 hours).

Now I feel refreshed and I’m looking forward to the weekend ahead. I’ll be heading to my would be sister-in-laws’ for a birthday part and I can’t wait to be there without Paul’s seemingly expansive and constant absence hanging over my head. Because I’ll be seeing him in just 13 short days.

 

Cheers and have a great weekend!

 

Fave Things #35 and What I Have Been Reading

Originally posted on Kerry's Blog:

Happy Friday Friends!

Despite all the troubles that this world is facing at the moment (read:  war, Ebola, terrorism, Lamu land wrangles… you get the picture), I am  grateful to be alive and  the chance to  make a difference.    I am also hoping  to share with you some exciting  life-changing news in the next  few weeks, so stay  tuned.

My GoodReads challenge has me on my toes.  I know that I am  10+ books behind  my 50 books in 2014 target but  reading  is not something to be rushed.  I decided to give myself permission not to finish the  books that I  do not  enjoy even if they are on the New York Times Bestsellers’ List.  Audiobooks, for me  do not really count as reading. I guess that’s why I am yet to make full use of my Kindle app.  There is always something about browsing  through a bookstore…

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