A little over 5 minutes ago, I was bored. I still am. However, there’s a new twist to what I was feeling previously: angry.
I cannot figure out why women are so…how to put it…the way they are. So let me include myself to make it look like I am no longer pointing a judgmental finger at my “race”.
My issues have always been the same. We are the queens of double standards; constantly setting insanely high standards for everyone and almost always falling short. I used to be one of these unbearable types. Karma soon caught up with me and I am now considerably humbled. You see, the falling short bit is human, but an admission of guilt would be a nice gesture! It would work to make me feel a load less crappy about myself.
Then there are the guilt trips – perfected especially by mothers the world over. I stamp out this flame depending on your personality type and status; mother dearest, I tell to the face: “Not working. I’m not guilty because I am not at fault.” That conversation doesn’t happen face-to-face, though. Genuinely, it’s because I happen to like my face the way it is; without bite marks and scratches, that is.
My greatest pain with womankind lies within the common joke: women are their own worst enemies. It’s rather unfortunate, but true. And this, my good friends, is the inspiration behind my furious typing. Whereas it is only normal to experience a slight tinge of envy when a sister does well, sometimes burning your corneas out with the glare of their success, it is wrong to try and put out the flame of their well-being. Nothing good comes from the mere destruction of another’s fortress if only to rid oneself of the prickly sensation of jealousy. Where am I coming from? A not so general line of thought.
While creating a certain plan to make money outside of my current place of work, I happened to inform a childhood friend of the grand idea. She has been working for about a month herself and I assumed that I could share the new knowledge. It would be to my own detriment.
Jane, my friend’s new pet name, wound up finding fault in every little pursuit I made and dashed my hopes in regard to holding 3 jobs at once. A few weeks after deciding to avoid her, a mutual friend informed me that Jane had been more than a little displeased that I had come out of my shell and was making progress in preparing myself to embark on business using a new client base established at my workplace. By the end of that week, 2 more people had raised concern in the same regard. It became apparent that I was minus one friend after investing in the relationship for over a decade.
Today, things are looking up in my plans to have my day job for the rest of the year, as I had initially hoped, and for a 2 possible posts after the normal work hours. I am thinking seriously about self-employment. Very seriously. If I can only rise past the need to be hired to earn a living, then I shall feel quite comfortable with myself. What would have given me greater joy would have been to experience this elevation in the company of like-minded young women who want to take charge of the direction of their social, psychological and economic empowerment and well-being. But, quite frankly, having had a “Jane experience” to refer to, I’m not certain that that would be a ver wise venture all together.