I have come to the unfortunate realization that I am found to be standoffish and somewhat aloof. It makes me rather sad to think that I possess what I dislike more than most traits: arrogance.

Now, having been raised by empowered women doesn’t particularly aid my cause. And Grandpa dotted me with more affection than most girls get from their college lovers, while imparting great wisdom and respect for education. Mother dearest gave me time to marinade into a fine piece by introducing faith, virtue, discipline, accountability and a reading culture from my earliest years. So I guess I owe them and myself enough to tone down a notch from time to time.

What’s interesting is that I actually realize my capacity to be overbearing; and often point it out to the boyfriend. Now, he is one rare species of man; it’s hard to accept that all his maturity, patience and selflessness were brewed in a short 25 years.

So this is me telling the world that I am just an ordinary girl. I have more to say about a lot than many people, but I am not human Thesaurus. More importantly, although I detest losing face, I am fairly open to objective correction and learning. I have recently become a gossip; something I am not proud of in the least, but I also listen and empathize sometimes. I know how to keep secrets and when I share them I conceal the identity of the person who wishes to remain anonymous in the story.

Hard as it may seem to believe, I get insecure and envious and lose my way from time to time. I even get stage fright and lose words when I am talking after rehearsing an important speech to myself over and over. I am afraid of failure and have failed a handful of classes in school. Sometimes the walls are erected to keep the goats at bay while protecting the blooming flower hidden in the cool shade beneath the oak tree.

It just goes to show that although I am capable of so much, I am just your everyday girl wading through her twenties the best way she knows how.


4 thoughts on “Ordinary

  1. Geeks-r-us… Your opening paragraph reminded me by a HBR blog post by Peter Bregman:What to Do When You Have to Work with Someone You Don’t Like (URL:http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2012/09/what-to-do-when-you-have-to-work-with-someone.html)

    An Excerpt:
    Consider, for a moment, the reason you don’t like someone. Maybe you think they’re greedy. Or selfish. Or dismissive. Or downright mean. In other words, they have some character flaw or disagreeable trait that bothers you. Like my view of Jeff as self-serving, egocentric, and self-satisfied.

    Now — and here’s the hard part — think about whether, in the dark shadowy parts of your psyche, you can detect shards of that disagreeable trait in yourself.

    Can you be greedy, selfish, dismissive or downright mean? You really don’t like that part of yourself, right? You wish you could distance yourself from that side of you. Just like you wish you could distance yourself from that disliked person.

    In other words, chances are, the reason you can’t stand that person in the first place, is that they remind you of what you can’t stand about yourself.

  2. Gossip is the way to know some information…….awesome piece…you are definately a girl next door like any other and 100% human.
    This is a perfect piece for any one
    who has self-esteem issues.

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