The Simply Tired Story

I had promised myself, at the beginning of the year, that I would be nice. Nice to myself and nice to people around me. I told myself that I would reward myself with more more than 5 hours of sleep, yoghurt every week, fruit everyday, more vegetables on my plate and time to write.

For a time, when I could not find the inspiration or time to write. I lied to myself and said that I did not like writing anymore; at least not as much as I had before. In fact, I convinced myself that I did not really like writing, that it had been a phase, a mad rush of energy. And that now, I was spent and unfeeling of the urge to express my thoughts and self in words.

Yesterday, when I was in the office almost half an hour before time, I found myself with a tingling desire to type something. Once I started, I could hardly stop to collect the sight of clients walking into the office and my colleagues saying ‘Good morning’. I was writing again and it felt like the beautiful relief that can only be compared to resolving a deep issue with a loved one or going to the bathroom after having to ‘hold it in’ for way too long.

Now I know that what I had been feeling was tired. Tired of the pressure to beat deadlines and deliver results at the office. Tired because of the emotional strain that comes with no longer being your mother’s little girl who’s still at home. Tired of the distance from the man you love whose touch you have almost forgotten. Tired from the routine of waking up earlier than you’d like and never really sleeping enough. Tired of how quickly the weekend passes and how little of it is enjoyed. Tired of feeling trapped in a situation you wish you could change but don’t really know how to. Tired of brutal hope.

However, this story actually has a happy ending. I am still learning to be nicer to myself. I stopped skipping lunch, eat more fruit, listen to music, speak my mind sometimes, keep hope alive and say it when I am down – or tired. The highlight must be couple therapy for  mother dearest and myself – where it’s just us two and our words and feelings.Embracing confrontation will come gradually, but I have refused to remain rooted in one spot. I refuse to simply remain tired and do nothing about it all the time.

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6 thoughts on “The Simply Tired Story

  1. Another one! Kwani you are reading my mind this week? I am tired of responding to “How are you?” with Good! Fine! Busy! When I am actually the direct opposite. (see Itstartswith.com)
    To cure this tiredness, I decided to be more proactive- carry my own lunch, enjoy sthg called sleep & music does make the world a better place.

    • Lily, I had a sit down with my boss to talk about my study plans. Felt really good to get that off my chest. Got Betty some red roses on her birthday today.
      Music, taking time to connect with friends and family and sleep go a long way in helping make like bearable – even enjoyable. The fact that we are so in sync goes to prove that we really are sisters, does it not?! Glad you’re finding real joy in the little things.

    • Nichts zu danken.
      We all need to be nice to ourselves, to pause and experience life (and not through the side mirror of driver), to enjoy the little joys of life.
      Glad to have been of help.

    • I got a nasty sore throat yesterday and it has left me feeling terribly miserable. I just want to seat under the hand-drier and keep warm with a good book. But the Easter holiday definitely did me a lot of good; especially because I spent it away from the noisy, crowded city centre.
      I’m glad that you’re finally feeling refreshed!

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