On of the things I have told to me more often than I think it healthy to hear is to relax. Lately, me response to such a remark has been “I don’t know how to.” If you’re a regular Joe then you’re probably smiling as you read this. The trouble is that I’m not even joking. I’m one of those strung wires just waiting to snap once the opportunity to do so presents itself; and I like to think that I am no drama queen, but I am so tense most of the time and I have a schedule for almost everything. Until recently, this has included when to meet whom and what I eat.
I am freaked out by disorder and I don’t do too well under unnecessary pressure. That is to say that although I hardly panic when someone gets sick or when I see a child with severe burns getting resuscitated or when I receive a rejection letter from the only campus I applied to for my masters program, sitting still in a messy room literary raises my blood pressure. I like to have things planned out and scheduled so that there’s not mess – or at least hardly anything worth getting worked up over – so that I can function normally. Obviously, this means I am often sleep deprived, in a lazy mood on weekends, labelled as uptight (mostly by the guys) and that I became rather anal about keeping time. I need to mention that German timing in Africa is probably one of the leading causes of anxiety attacks and stress in an African country. Maybe except South Africa because those boys and girls are in a league of their own.
I have made great strides in overcoming what you have probably diagnosed as OCD. Quite frankly, I don’t care. My own mother thinks I am boring and harsh simply because she is a Sanguine and I am one of those kids who spends a whole Sunday afternoon cleaning the house with the hope that it will remain that way for at least 5 of the 7 days it will take for me to repeat the mopping/scrubbing/washing/dusting/organizing procedure. And there’s the part where I like routine and blogging is one of the few things I do randomly without thinking hard about or planning for too far in advance.
On the point of sharing my thoughts with you today is the discovery that I shan’t have much to do for the next 7 days. I should be dancing about, but I’m one of those people who likes to keep busy. And I have a couple of ounces of work ethic to myself so I believe in actually working to get paid…
So here I am, stuck in a rut because the system is slightly clogging up with ‘standard procedures’ which I don’t form a part of until we’re at the periphery. Simply put, I have to sit still until it’s my turn to work it. And I do appreciate that there’s a reason for the existence of these annoying procedures, but again I don’t really know how to relax.
So the following will make my bucket list for the next few days:
1. Publish a new story on Facebook. Or two or three, depending on how inspired I feel to complete one of the almost 20 drafts on my cellphone notes
2. Chai with a friend – and I have just the candidate in mind since it has been a while since we last had a good sit-down over tea/coffee/chocolate
3. House hunting – I know it’s long overdue, but I have finally decided to get myself my own crib before the close of the year; I think it will allow me to get serious about my investment and schooling plans
4. Family lunch – which is happening in an hour so… check
5. Read Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Americanah and continue adding flesh to my own bony structure of a long short story (I’ll tell you all about it when I am done)
Anyone willing to keep me accountable should feel free to do so publicly. That way I’ll be embarrassed enough to actually act on whatever else is left to be done.